Been thinking a lot lately about strength and vulnerability, about the gray areas that exist amidst both of these concepts. I guess you can’t really assess anyone’s strength from the outside looking in. It’s impossible, right? The person who goes around saying “I’m over it!” but sits alone at home crying and self-destructing over their broken heart… Is this person strong? I know many think they are strong. What about the person who tells the one they love how they deserve to be treated, the person who loves unconditionally, and tries and tries and tries to explain what it is they need, and eventually realizes this person is a lost cause? Is this person strong? Is the vulnerability they have expressed in their love and in their friendships a sign of strength?
I’m done waiting up for you. I’m done crying and wondering if I’m crazy or if you are really emotionally abusive. I’m done feeling neglected, feeling like I’m in a race with a bottle of whiskey and a pitcher of beer. I’m done competing with your habits and your selfish idiosyncrasies, which I once thought were so endearing. (What was I thinking?) I’m done with all of it.
I guess I just wanted to remind myself never to marry him, or anyone who would treat me this way, for that matter.
i said a swear once and next thing you know i was doing meth